In this blog post you’ll learn about how to fully savor the holiday season through setting boundaries that protect your energy, & consequently, your relationships–even in a Latin family.
We’ve all been caught in the rush of the holiday season: frantically finding gifts, overlapping parties, trialing holiday recipes, ticking off last minute Q4 to-dos at work…
You finish your holiday break even more exhausted despite having time off. How the heck did that happen?
I’ll tell you how it happened…you didn’t set good boundaries. You felt bad letting your tia down, so you agreed to make the arroz for the fiesta you weren’t even planning to attend. You knew you were stretched on finances, but you still signed up for a white elephant because everyone else did. You had planned a spa day to celebrate making it through a busy work season, but your mom convinced you to spend the day putting up the Christmas decorations instead.
In a sea of never-ending requests & mounting expectations, there’s one secret to set good boundaries (& it’s not just building up the courage to say “no,” but we’ll get into that later): self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the understanding of your own thoughts, emotions, energy levels, etc. The more aware you are, the greater conviction you have about what you need & the more unapologetic you are about prioritizing that.
In a simple way, I like to think of self-awareness as befriending yourself. You deepen a friendship by spending intentional time with someone. In the same way, through mindfulness activities such as journaling, meditation, or somatic practices, we can get to know ourselves more. Just like you hype up your bestie, you can advocate for yourself as well.
Maybe you spend a day jumping from fiesta to fiesta & you feel like you need a full week of solitude to recover. Or maybe you have the same experience & feel completely energized! Maybe the first party felt good, but the last ones were overwhelming. You won’t know unless intentionally reflect on how experiences made you feel.
My favorite activity to build self-awareness on-the-fly is to ask the simple question “why?”
- My primo invited me on a double-date & I feel like I have to go…why?
- I’m having a really high or low energy day…why?
- My tia is gossiping about someone & it’s really triggering…why?
Through getting curious about the inner workings of your mind, you will build confidence in your decisions to honor your needs & boundaries.
My second tip is to be realistic with your time & energy. As your calendar keeps filling up, be quick to prioritize.
I love the saying that you can do anything but not everything.
If you know one day looks busy but you genuinely want to do everything that’s planned, schedule breaks in-between events or block your calendar for the next day to recoop.
You could even list things out in the order of what’s most important to you. Maybe you know you’ll for sure bake cookies with your goddaughter because that’s a must, then you’ll attend your in-laws gathering, then if you have left over energy you’ll mayyyybe go to your work party, but you for sure won’t go to your old friend’s dinner. Prioritize what’s most important for you, play certain things by ear, & say no to the rest.
Tips for politely declining invitations… (ie. saying “no”)
There is bound to be some tia who comments on how you’re not at a family event. In the moments where “que va decir la gente” pops up, remember this quote by the great Dr. Suess:
Those who matter don’t mind, & those who mind don’t matter.
People’s judgements oftentimes have a lot more to say about themselves than you. Return to that self-awareness question & get curious as to why her opinion matters so much to you. Ask yourself how you feel about missing the party. & remember that if there are specific people you want to see, you can always be intentional about making time for them at another occasion (one that’s on your own terms!).
Remember that “no” is a complete sentence, but it’s never a harmful idea to give context—if you are doing it for the right reasons. You can use the sandwich method & say something like “It was so thoughtful of you to invite me to the fiesta. We already had plans for the same time so I won’t be able to go. Take lots of pictures for me!” You’re letting them know you still want to be a part of it, just in a way that you have energetic capacity for.
If they’re still pushing back, I double dare you to call them out on it!! “I’ve told you multiple times I won’t be able to go. It makes me feel really loved that you want me there, but it also makes me feel like you don’t value my schedule. Is there a reason you’re still insisting?” See what they say…but it’ll probably be nothing!
In summary, setting boundaries is always easier if you have a strong foundation of self-awareness. Next up, keep tabs of everything you have going on & prioritize them based on importance to you. Finally, be okay with letting people down as you navigate how you want to spend your time this holiday season.
Have any special tips you want to add? Let me know in the comments! As a recovering people pleaser, boundary setting is as an area of continual improvement for me.
