Have you found it more difficult to make friends the older you get? While you might have more going on, you can still meet people by using the right techniques. By the end of this blog post, you’ll find out how!
I know some people who have been life-long loners, but me? I’ve always had a best friend.
In elementary school, it was Kayla & in college, Cate. In Minnesota I met Megan, in Seattle I got to live with Evie, & in San Francisco…welllll, we’re working on it 🥲 & it’s my goal to find some true besties in the new year! Who’s with me!?
I thought I was a total boss at finding friends, but moving to this city has given me a run for my money. From big changes in my professional life to the fact that the city is spread out & parking is a nightmare, this feels like one of the first times in my life that I have struggled to find amigas.
Before you click off of this blog thinking gosh, this girl doesn’t know what she’s doing either!?, let me tell you that I know where you are & I’m determined for us BOTH to find besties, mija.
I want to start off by talking about the importance of friendships in general. In a NY Times article, they reported US Attorney General Dr. Vivek Murthy stating that “loneliness is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and more lethal than consuming six alcoholic drinks a day.” Excuse me, WHAT? 🤯
If loneliness is bad for you, does that mean that friendships are good for you? The benefit of having a strong community aren’t only specific to the soul; they can decrease your perceived stress, build resilience, & even decrease your risks for chronic disease!
In the world’s longest longitudinal study done on happiness, conducted by Harvard University & discussed in the book The Good Life by Robert Waldinger & Marc Shulz, they found that the number one predictor of happiness throughout life is good relationships. In Blue Zones by Dan Buettner, a book that teaches about areas where an extraordinary amount of folks live to be over 100, they discuss that in Okinawa, Japan they have social groups called moias which are found to be one of the contributing factors to their longevity.
Ok ok ok enough about the research—this post isn’t about the WHY of friendship (I’ll do another blog post about that eventually), it’s about the HOW.
This seems super obvious, but it must be said: nobody ever made a new, life-giving connection while sitting at home watching Netflix. The reason why it seems easier to make friends as kiddos is that we are funneled into social gatherings every day. From soccer practice to piano lessons to drama club, we did things that encouraged connection because we were around people with similar interests.
2024 is YOUR year for deeper friendships! Let’s get into it…
1. First thing’s first: set realistic standards for success. You might not meet your friend soulmate on the first outing, but that wasn’t the goal (or at least it shouldn’t have been). The goal was just for you to go in the first place. Create a habit of putting yourself out there, initiating conversation, & being vulnerable when you feel called to. You cannot control whether you make a bestie at your first outing, but you CAN control how you show up.
2. Make a list of things you enjoy doing & get creative with how you could make them more social. Been working out at home since the pandemic? Get a membership at a gym & strike up a conversation with another regular. Or take a group fitness class & commit to getting there early to meet people (bonus: you’ll get a good spot, too!). If you love cooking, maybe take (or host!) a cooking class or go to the signing of a new cookbook. Chances are that if you enjoy something, others do, too!
3. If you’re having trouble finding events to go to, look on Eventbrite to see if there’s anything happening in your area. When I first moved to San Francisco, I found some entrepreneurship events that I really enjoyed. While I didn’t meet any life-long amigas, it was nice to meet people who had similar interests. B & I recently went to a wellness event & we BOTH made friends from it–score! Just take initiative & see if there’s anything that you might be interested in trying out.
4. If you have a little bit of extra time (& maybe money), make a list of things you are interested in learning more about & see if there are any classes offered in your area. From community colleges to local studios, you could learn anything from birding to sewing! B & I are taking a pottery class & that means that for a six weeks we’ll be spending time with folks who also have a creative itch. If money is tight, you could join some Facebook groups to see if there’s anything going on for free.
5. You could even find conferences or retreats to attend. Are you a part of any professional organizations that hosts events? Do you have an interest in traveling & diving deep into a topic for multiple days? Last year I took my first big solo trip to Sedona, AZ to attend a coaching conference. I ended up meeting two incredible women who I’m friends with to this day! We hosted one of them last month & it was sooo fun, & just yesterday I had an hour-long, soul-nourishing convo with the other. These types of events can get pricey, so be mindful of which ones you really want to go to & make the most of them while you’re there (& sometimes, your work might cover expenses or they’re tax deductible–just do some research)!
6. Lastly, let’s talk about keeping the fire alive. It doesn’t help much to go to these meet-ups if you’re not staying connected to your new friends afterward. But life is busy, schedules always seem to misalign, so how do you stay on top of things? Make plans in advance & stick to them. Send a “thinking of you” text when they’re on your mind. Ask if they want to join your family for dinner. Invite them to carpool or grab lunch after the next yoga class. Let them know they’re important to you & watch your friendship flourish.
Just like any relationship, a friendship takes work! But these tips are sure to kickstart your friendship search. Drop your questions in the comments & let me know which tip you’re trying out first 🙂
5 Responses
Hi sweety 🙂 Love you