In this blog post, you’ll learn how to stop feeling like you’re behind. Keep reading if you need this reminder today.
As I start this post, I’m on a flight heading back home from a beautiful & FUN wedding.
Their love was palpable, the joy in the room was contagious, & I danced so much that my back started hurting (true story, we had to sit out a couple of songs!).
I remember being an adolescent & my future plans looked a little something like this: married in early-20s, first kid by mid-20s, settled down by late-20s. Badda bing, badda boom.
So there I was, an unwed, childless woman already in my late-20s. If I can be completely honest, this wedding felt a little bit (or a lotta bit) like a reminder of the things that I didn’t have yet.
We live in a world that only talks about the good.
Aside from social media showing constant highlight reels, it’s also becoming more common to have surface-level friendships that can easily avoid sharing the hard parts of life.
We see people around us buying houses or adding extra letters behind their names or finding “the one” & it’s so easy to get caught up in that feeling…
You know, the one where you can’t help but compare, feel like you’re behind, & inevitably reinforce the belief that something’s wrong with you.
But what if you actually knew the whole story?
- What if the friend has to pick up a part-time to afford the mortgage & they’re constantly overwhelmed?
- Or what if the person only earned another degree because they were too scared to join the workforce (& now they’re stuck in a job they hate because of their student debt)?
- Or what if the one who found “the one” isn’t telling you about the battles they’re facing to keep their relationship afloat?
Would that change how you feel about yourself & your situation? It should.
I know I know, you’ve heard this before–but have you listened? 👀
Have you meditated on it & let it sink into who you are?
Have you noticed what happens in your body when you’re feeling ashamed of falling short, only to hear your old neighborhood accomplished exactly what you wanted?
What kinds of stories do you tell yourself, & what do you want them to be replaced with?
There’s this story I read about a fisherman who lived on island, spending the mornings on his boat catching fish. A wealthy businessman was visiting the island & advised the fisherman to work harder.
When returning home, the businessman missed many birthdays & holidays in the hopes of seeking more.
Many decades passed & the businessman finally retired. His health had declined & he no longer had a relationship with his family because he had focused solely on the grind, losing sight of what he was really working towards.
He returned to the island, lonely & unwell, & encountering the fisherman he told him “see, this is why you should have worked so hard: so that you could be a fisherman, living on an island, spending your mornings on your boat catching fish.”
The fisherman looked at him inquisitively & smiled, asking him “what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?”
Mija, what’s it going to take for you to start savoring your life? What’s it going to take to realize that you don’t have to wait until you have certain credentials or material possessions to feel successful?
Because at the end of the day, YOU get to define what success means. So why the heck are you making it so impossible to attain??? 🤔
Not every achievement in life is going to come with a ring (whether one on your finger or one for a key to something expensive).
Stop celebrating only when you reach a socially acceptable milestone & start celebrating the moments in between: starting therapy, learning a fun TikTok dance, deciding to move, etc.
I believe one day we’ll look back on these seasons & wish we weren’t so hard on ourselves, the same way I reflect on my harsh timelines from when I was younger 😅
In fact, I don’t just believe it—I know it.
For my day job, I’m a hospice nurse. Being around folks transitioning out of this lifetime, I’ve come to realize one commonality (no matter their background): when someone has passed away, we find comfort in the hope they’re with loved ones.
- We don’t say “gee, I hope they’re going to make CEO in heaven.”
- Or “I hope they finally get to speak on stages like they wanted to.”
Our solace comes from the hope, the joy, the power of connection—to ourselves & to others.
But we don’t have to wait to experience it…we can tap into that right. now.
Slooooow dooooown. Savor. Soak life in!
I believe that to stop feeling like we’re falling behind, we need two things: self-awareness when we’re deep in the mud of comparison & authentic, honest connections that help us see we’re allllll on the same journey.
